The Pure Average team was formed primarily so that Brendon “Brenda” Stevens would stop receiving these pesky messages from Tony “The Tiger” Lotter asking for a spot in one of the DC squads. The criteria for entry was an earth shattering sub 4 Argus time as our DC goal was rumored to be 7 hours with a mixed team finish.
The team was formed and the training began. 8 Men and 4 Ladies would give us the balance between power and beauty especially with Bernard “The Influencer” Bravenboer bringing both to the table. The Tiger, having completed 0 prior DCs, brought all the experience and was a natural choice for that of captain.
Race week arrived and we looked at the splits to formulate the plan of attack. In true Savage style we chucked out the 7 hour goal and replaced it with a far more reasonable one of 6h20. Mild panic set in which must have tipped Kerri “No Show” Anderson’s immune system into disarray. On the Thursday she made the call that she wouldn’t be able to participate citing doctors orders as an alibi.
The call for a replacement rider was put out on social media and on Friday morning Justin “Justine” Laubscher came to our rescue. This changed the dynamic somewhat as we would now be lining up with only 3 ladies, the minimum needed for a mixed team result.
Race day arrived and the weather was looking perfect. As we arrived in Swellendam Justine had to change a tube after suffering a blowout. We all smirked at how lucky we were for this to happen before the race start when we really should have seen this as a warning for what would be an eventful day.
Before we knew it the race was underway and we got the paceline working down the N2. As we were approaching Suurbraak the shouts of HAMMER came from behind. The Mixed Racing team had caught us after only starting 2.5 minutes back. As tempting as it was to latch on we had to ride our own race and they sped off into a world of pain and suffering. Shortly thereafter Ashleigh “Crashleigh” Crosland almost lived up to her nickname and only narrowly avoided some street furniture as we barreled through the sleepy town.
Tradouw was dealt with relatively easily as Deon “The Diesel Barron” Basson literally grabbed Kirsty “Zone 2” Blackford and threw her to the top. We took a bit of time to regroup and then literally and figuratively started heading downhill. The first victim of the day was Jono “Vintage” Cox when his chain managed to do a loop the loop on itself. After we laughed and took selfies while he fixed the mess it was apparent that the bike was injured. We decided to push on while he limped to the first team support zone and this was the last we saw of Vintage.
A whooping 5 minutes later we caught up with Robyn “QOM of the South” Tully who managed to break a spoke in-between leaving her man stranded on the side of the road and us arriving at the scene. Knowing nothing about wheels we slacked off the breaks, declared it safe for human transport and sped off again in search of the rest of our team.
With 7km to go before the Neutral Zone at Montague the Mens Race team came whizzing past us with roughly half the field on their tails. This time we decided to latch on and try stop the clock as soon as possible. With riders still up the road we shouted and threw things at our team mates as we sped past them in the hopes they would realize the game plan. They did and we went into neutral mostly together.
As luck would have it Justine then suffered another blowout as he entered the Team Support Zone. With a long walk of shame ahead of him, past all the other teams, we did the only reasonable thing and left him with strict instructions to fix the problem and that we’ll see him at the next Team Support Zone.
Spirits were stull high as when Henk “The Wise One” Bester dropped a chain at Robertson. We then swiftly got the message that he was not well enough to finish the ride and would be retiring. At this point we are unsure if he was collected by the sweep vehicle or if an Uber was called for a quick lunch at Springfield Estate.
We pulled into the second Team Support Zone where Justine caught back up with us. Surprisingly he was in the support vehicle so we were now down to 9. Shortly after leaving the Team Support Zone The Tiger screeched to a halt with a flat. Lee “Quadzilla” Kotze and The Influencer stayed back to laugh while the remaining 6 headed for the finish with instructions to take it easy.
With a glint in their eyes Cameron “Wendy” McCallum and Ryan “The Fines Victim” Winter realized they had a chance for top 6 and persuaded the remaining group to HAMMER!!! While they maintain their innocence the Strava data will never lie and rumors of QOM of the South pushing men up the road have started to surface! Despite a serious display of Watts by Quadzilla for the closing 5km the trailing group never caught up again.
Pure Average finished with a time of 6:02 and placed 13th out of 71 Teams in the Mixed Category which is a great result. Next year the goal has been set for a sub 6 and top 10 finish to ensure that Vintage can justify his new bike purchase in early 2020!!!